Smiley happy yogi

Ever since I started my yoga teacher training last year, one piece of sagely advice that I consistently receive from other teachers is to make sure I keep up my personal practice.

While it was clearly sound advice, I honestly thought it wouldn't be much of an issue for me. I mean, I LOVE yoga. There is no way that I would neglect my own practice just because I was teaching as well. If anything, teaching will just make me even more focussed on my practice.

Fast-forward 12 months, I am now teaching a couple of regular classes a week on the side of my fairly demanding full-time job. And my personal practice? Well, let's just say that it isn't receiving the kind of attention that it deserves. Yep. Everyone was right.

You see, when I'm not at work or teaching a class, I am planning my classes, trying to get more classes, volunteering to teach community classes or to help out at events - not to mention the admin that my new side-venture has created. Don't get me wrong - I am absolutely loving it (well maybe not the admin). But I feel like I am already yoga-ing all over the place before I even get to my own practice!

Motivation for my regular practice had definitely waned. Something that used to be an immense source of joy for me became something that I needed to fit into my week somewhere. Like jumping on the treadmill. Or doing the laundry.

Not great.

I had been aware that this was a less than ideal situation for a while but kind of hoped it would sort itself out over time. It wasn't until took a class with Eoin Finn (blissology.com) at the Sydney Wanderlust Festival (where I was volunteering of course!) that I realised what I needed to do to get me out of my yoga funk: Make it fun again!

You see, one of the side-effects of becoming a qualified yoga teacher was this increased awareness of every aspect of every pose that I do. As I move through my asanas, I had got into a habit of mentally checking off every point of alignment, constantly making refinements and perfecting my pose. I am even ticking off the contraindications and options that I could give to students if I was teaching the pose. Basically, every practice started to feel like I was prepping for an exam.

So when Eoin opened his class saying that we would be doing some kinda out-there, non-traditional moves (incorporating flowing transitions inspired by his love of surfing) my eyes lit up! The next hour or so was spent exploring movement, feeling into the poses and - yes - having a whole lot of fun. For the first time in ages, I felt like I could really get out of my head and not only into my body but also into my heart - letting my movements be led by what felt good instead of just doing what I was supposed to do.

Since that class, I have been on the look out for other ways that I can to bring more happy to my practice. I have been taking workshops, trying new classes, doing classes with friends and making new, upbeat playlists for my home practice. But perhaps the simplest way I have found is to just set an intention at the beginning of class to bring lightness to the class, to smile lots and to just not take it all so seriously.

Because at the end of the day, it's just yoga, right?

Namaste! xox 

How to deal

Something happened in my life last year that probably should have caused me to have a major emotional meltdown. And, if I am honest, for a few days it kinda did.

It was one of those knock-you-on-your-arse, punch-you-in-the-guts kind of ordeals that shakes your confidence and really makes you start to question your self-worth.

Nasty.

And it probably would have totally flattened me for months - maybe even years - if it had happened any earlier in my life. But instead, I bounced back incredibly quickly. Like - in less than a week.

This is because, lucky for me, it all happened while I was in the middle of two things:

• My yoga teacher training (in fact, the day after it happened, I spent the weekend in intensive training with my gorgeous fellow yogis); and 
• Reading the book "Spirit Junkie" by Gabrielle Bernstein.

Source: www.amazon.com

So instead of falling into a down spiral of funky badness, when I was confronted with this moment, I was prepared for it. Instead of letting this thing that was happening to me, however crappy, take me down, I was able to deal with it in a way that left me feeling ok. Look - I am not over the moon about it and I would have preferred if it hadn't happened at all - but have moved on. In fact, a lot of positive things have happened as a result that make me think that it was something that just *had* to happen so that I could move on to the next stage of my life. 

Aside from recommending that you undertake a yoga teacher training and reading Gabrielle's book yourself (ok - maybe reading the book is more doable in the short-to-medium term - but BOTH have changed my life for the better so it will be a great start).

I thought I would share some of the key insights that these gave me though to help me recover so quickly and to actually come out the other end feeling stronger and more sure of myself.

1. Let yourself feel
With life moving so fast, it can be really tempting to just shut down your emotions when something bad happens so that you can just keep going. We seldom have the luxury of time to allow ourselves to be absorbed in how we are feeling about a negative situation. Whether you tell yourself to "keep your chin up" or to "harden the f**k up", these are all ways that we tell ourselves that our emotions should be pushed aside.

But just telling yourself that you are fine doesn't actually make the feelings go away. And until you acknowledge how a situation has made you feel, it is impossible to get past it.

This isn't to say that you should drop everything in the middle of the office and chuck a total wobbly or disintegrate into a blubbering mess. But when you do have the time and space (and if this isn't looking likely make the time and space), let yourself feel all the emotions that have bubbled up. Cry. Be angry. Vent your frustrations out in a journal or to someone you can trust. Just let it all out.

But don't stay in this place too long. This ceases to be useful if you just dwell in a place of self-pity. So get it all out and then start to look at what you need to do next.

2. Recognise what is true
This is crucial to help you avoid a total downward spiral. Once you have allowed your emotions to appear and sat with them for a while, take note of those thoughts that keep coming up over and over. Meditate on them Write each one down on the top of a piece of paper. Underneath each one, jot down any thoughts that come up around them. Really deconstruct each one. And once you've got it all written out, read it back and try to read it as though a friend had written it all out. What would you say to a friend who was having these thoughts?

Chances are, you would tell your friend that a lot of these thoughts aren't real. That they are based on false assumptions, catastrophising (giving too much weight to worst possible outcomes, even though they are unlikely to ever eventuate) or negative thoughts about your self-worth. Which is totally normal when you are going through something bad - but if you don't get a handle on these thoughts early on, it can be hard to regain perspective and they start to seem like your reality - and may even become your reality if you give them too much attention.

Once you get a hold of what is real and what is not, whenever one of the negative thoughts comes up, resist the urge to ruminate on it and start to challenge what it is saying by using the words that you would say to your friend in the same situation. Eventually, the thoughts will lose their power until they stop showing up at all.

3. Surround yourself with good people

This is great advice at any time - but is especially important when you are going through a tough time. First of all, they will help you fight the negative, untrue thoughts that come up. They will also remind you how awesome you are and how whatever it is you are going through is just temporary. They will let you cry, let you get angry, give you sage advice, distract you, make you laugh - all those good things.

But for the time being, maybe say "no" to meeting up with that overly negative or competitive friend (or maybe, more accurately, "frenemy"). Trust me - you might feel a twinge of guilt when you turn them down, but now is the time to be there for yourself. So ditch the guilt, and put yourself first. Seriously.

4. Forgive - no matter how ridiculous that seems

While the other steps all helped me a lot, this one was probably key to me getting back up again after being smacked to the ground. And this is the one thing that I had never thought of doing before. Usually, I would blame myself or I would blame someone else. And I thought that was a good thing. Because it has to be someone's fault, right?

Well, maybe. And maybe not. But most importantly, it just doesn't matter. I'm going to repeat that because it is super important: It. Doesn't. Matter.

Gabrielle Bernstein swears by forgiveness to help you move forward. In her own words: "Rather than continuing to play the role of victim, we can forgive and be set free. With each choice to forgive, we shift our perception from fear to love."

Being angry or blaming someone else doesn't actually bring you any peace or make you feel better. And it has zero impact on the person that you are angry at. So what do you have to lose? Instead of holding on to these negative emotions, just release the person from your anger. You don't have to do it in person (that might actually be counterproductive). In Spirit Junkie, there is a meditation that you can use to help you visualise the person (or yourself) and start to breakdown the emotions that you are feeling towards them. You start to accept the situation for what it is (you don't have to take on the blame if you didn't do anything wrong - it is about releasing the other person, not saying sorry) and just let it go. Again - you might have to work on this for a while, but by shifting the way you think about the situation, you can actually start to heal and move on.

5. Shift your focus to the rest of your life

When something bad happens in our lives, it tends to suck up all of our energy. And while this is fine for a while, it you keep feeding the situation with all of your time and attention, it can be difficult to find a way out. So once you start to heal (using the tips above), start to refocus on all of those amazing things in your life. Don't think they exist? I am betting they do, but until you are in a place to see them, why not create something amazing in your life? Take a course, try a new sport, book a holiday, paint, dance, write - whatever will make your heart sing will also start to heal your pain.

I hope the above tips are helpful. I don't mean to make it all sound so easy - I know that it isn't. And it sucks!!! But by taking control and having a plan to get yourself back on top, you will be in a much better place than if you just let yourself get swept away by sadness and/ or anger.

Namatse my lovelies xox 

Doing what you know you should

I am almost at the end of a 10 day detox. Day 9 in fact. No dairy, no alcohol (neither of which I have anyway), no sugar (eep!) and no caffeine (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!!). Plus yoga classes every day (not a big change, but it did mean that I had to go to 6.30am classes to make sure that I didn't miss a day - so, no more sleep-ins and more EEEEEEEEEP!!!!)

So why do this?

Well, at teacher training the other week we were asked to make a couple of lists: one of things that support our wellbeing (stuff like yoga, meditation, eating well, getting plenty of sleep, reading, laughing, practising gratitude, spending time with positive people) and the other of things that don't support our wellbeing (drinking coffee, sleeping in, eating junk, gossiping, procrastinating, negative self-talk, spending time with toxic people).

Seeing all these things written down really got me thinking - given that was so easy for me to come up with these lists, why don't I do more of the things on the first list, and waaaaay less of the things on the second list?

The answer is the same for me as it is for all of us - comfort. Even though I know that sticking with my current habits doesn't make me feel as great as I could feel, I get comfort from them. Like when I am feeling down on myself, so to make myself feel better I decide to treat myself - I skip yoga, eat pizza and chocolate and read trashy gossip magazines until late. Then I sleep in the next morning (again skipping yoga and meditation), drink coffee to stay awake all day and feel even worse about myself. Which is all my fault, because I am stupid and awful and deserve to feel this crappy. Sound familiar? Well it sounds really familiar to me because I do it way too much!

When my yoga studio (the totally wonderful House of Yoga in Redfern) announced that it was launching a 10 Day Push, I decided it would be the kick up the butt I needed to change things up a bit. And change them for the better!

And as I come to the end of the 10 days, I have to admit - I feel amazing! I have been getting up really early, feeling awake all day, eating well, sleeping well, my mood is more stable, I am more focussed, happier, grateful... I seem to be attracting more positive, supportive people into my life too.  All in just 9 days!?!?!

It's true - day one was tough. I had headaches and was in a major brain-fog all day. And yes, it sucks when I walk to work and the whole of the city seems to be enjoying delicious smelling coffee. Or when I walk past the cup cake stall on my way to buy lunch. But it has not been impossible. And every day that I stick to the plan, I am supporting my wellbeing and choosing to happiness. Even on rough days, I am in the best possible place to deal with the challenges I am thrown.

Ok - so maybe I am still in the euphoric, honeymoon stage. There is only one way to find out for sure - to keep it all up even after the 10 days are over!!

Wish me luck!
xoxo

Losing my identity

So I am slowly starting to lose my identity. And honestly, this is a good thing.

Say whaaat? Let me explain.

For many years, I was "the angry girl". I am pretty sure it started off just as a defence mechanism, carefully constructed so I could survive high school. And it was successful in achieving this. Basically, I would respond to my detractors - some bullies (including some teachers) but also I am guessing a few kids who may have been genuinely nice but who I hastily assessed as being hostile - with bitchy, acerbic comebacks. And to avoid them bothering me at all, I took on a generally a moody/ angry disposition. I had some friends, but even they were kept at a bit of a distance and treated them with suspicion - because I never fully believed that they actually liked me. I figured I must have served some secondary purpose for their own high school survival. And that was fine by me.

High school can be a tough time. And just getting out the other end in one piece is a sign of success. But, unfortunately, I started to forget that I had created this identity (angry, sarcastic, depressed, dark etc etc) and it became a big part of who I thought I was.

Me as a teen - getting my angst on!

When bad things happened in my life, it reinforced my negative outlook and my general distrust of people. When good - even great! - things happened to me, whether in my relationships, study, work or whatever, I always assumed they were flukes and they were temporary.  I actually believed if too many good things were happening, then something really bad was coming just around the corner. So I could never enjoy the good. It just made me feel even more uneasy and anxious about my life.

As weird as it might seem, I wanted to stay feeling this way. I wanted to feel sad, depressed, angry or dissatisfied. This was what felt comfortable and familiar. Even though it wasn't serving me, I always found ways to bring me back to the same place.

While this might have been familiar and comfortable for me, as I am sure you can imagine, it was not a happy way to live a life! But I told myself, and everyone else that is just who I am. And so I continued.

Until I finally I had enough. I didn't want to be miserable anymore. Or anxious. Or bitchy. I wanted to be happy, damn it!!!

To begin with, I searched for happiness in the usual ways - looking for quick-fixes through self-help books, food, excessive exercising, buying shiny things, searching for "success" at work. But the problem with quick-fixes is that their effects are quick too - they never created a permanent state of happiness and always lead me to searching for something more. And always searching outside of myself.

I was lucky enough to find my way to yoga while sifting through all of these happiness solutions. I originally looked to it as a form of exercise that was kinder to my body than the abuse I had been putting it through at the gym. It also happened to make me feel better too. Pretty soon it was the only kind of exercising I was doing. Taking all these yoga classes, I saw all these beautiful, blissed-out yogis teaching all my classes and I wanted some of what they had. I wanted to be a blissful, glowy yogi too!  So I decided to go further with my yoga practice - to start understanding and applying the more spiritual aspects rather than just the physical.

Me on yoga - all the happy!

And this is when real change started to happen. When I started setting aside some of my attachments to who I thought I was -  the stories I told myself and the world to explain why my life was so hard - I was nervous that I would lose who I *really* was. Which I thought was the sad girl that I had become so comfortable being. But instead of losing an essential part of myself (which is what I had convinced myself all this misery and anger was), I started to look at where this identity had come from. And I began to realise that none of it was my true nature - these parts of my personality were all external to who I really am. Through yoga - especially meditation - I was able start seeing things as they actually are, not how I had just always assumed they are.

This is the real magic, and arguably the purpose, of yoga: self-realisation through looking inward - not to those things that are external to us - and, ultimately, attaining an infinite state of peace.

Obviously, I have a long way to go on this path. I am only just beginning to move away from identifying myself with my limitations and from trying to find happiness through external means. But I am already noticing positive shifts. I am calmer. I am able to deal with change without as much anxiety. I don't obsess over the negatives and dismiss the positives.

Things are looking up, and my journey has only just begun!!

Namaste xox

Up for the challenge?

Have you seen this great TED Talk by Matt Cuts where he asks us to try something new for 30 days?

The idea of committing to something for a month - whether it be growing a moustache or not drinking - is not exactly new. But watching this talk really inspired me.

I always have these grand - and some not so grand - plans in my head: things I have always wanted to do, habits I have wanted to break, routines that I have wanted to start. There are always so many of them, though, that I often feel too overwhelmed and end up doing none of them. Or if I do start them, I do it in a half-arsed way.

That is why this talk makes so much sense. You just pick one thing and then you commit yourself to it for the next 30 days. And then the next month, you can choose something different.

The great thing about 30 days is it is short enough not to intimidate, but it is long enough to start making a real change in your life. (Or, if it doesn't work out, you haven't really wasted that much time either.)

So how transformative can one month be?

Well, it was because of a 30 day challenge that I set myself 2 years ago that I was able to make the shift from vegetarian to vegan. I had made a couple of previous attempts at going vegan. Each time I started, I assumed it was the beginning of a life-long change. And I would go ok for a week or so, but then something would come up - I would be at an event where I had forgotten to tell people I my dietary requirements, or I was eating out with friends and there weren't any vegan options on the menu (I now know better than to just rely on menus and always ask restaurants what they can do for me or I ask them to change an existing vegetarian meal by ditching the cheese). Whatever it was, it suddenly all seemed to hard, I would start making exceptions (only when I eat out) or excuses (it is just too hard) and then I would be back to where I began.

But, when I decided in 2011 that I would eat only plant-based for the whole of July, there was no need for excuses or exceptions. Because giving up eggs and dairy for 30 days (or 31 in my case) didn't seem like that big of a deal. And because I wasn't stressed about it, I was able to enjoy the experience. I ordered my first ever vegan pizza, found vegan cupcakes and tried vegan chocolate and I also started asking cafes and restaurants to make things vegan for me. And by August, it was done. I was a vegan!

Once you realise that vegan chocolate exists - and is delicious, it isn't so hard.

With today being the first day of spring, I felt inspired to set myself a new challenge. I have decided to make September all about yoga (surprise!). Given that I will be a qualified yoga teacher by the end of October (fingers crossed), I want to put a nice, regular yoga practice into place so that I will have a strong platform to build on when I start teaching.

So, for each day in September I will be doing at least 45 minute asana practice and 10 minutes of meditation. My intention is to wake up earlier to get my practice done before the day even starts. But even if I don't manage that, I will be doing it before I go to bed. Every. Day. For 30 days.

Sadly, I won't be yoga-ing with these views every morning :(

Wish me luck! I will be giving updates on my Facebook page if you want to follow along. And feel free to join in - I would love to hear from others about their successes and experiences!

Namaste xox

A little bit of happy

Wouldn't it be nice if every time we felt a bit down, we could just take the day off work and head to the beach? Or better yet, make it a week and head overseas to some island where you can let go of your bad mood and bliss out in the sun?

Sadly, that isn't an option for 99.99% of us. When we wake up in a bit of a fog or just feeling low, we have drag ourselves up and out to our daily lives - work, kids  - whatever our commitments, they tend not to be things that can just wait until we are in a better mood.

So, what can we do?

Well, over time, I have come up with a bunch of small things that I can do that cost next to nothing (and in some cases are totally free!) and that can just make things seem a little brighter. Some might seem obvious, others ridiculous, but I thought I would share them anyway, just in case there is something in there that might help you out the next time you are feeling a bit crappy.

• Duh - I do some yoga! Whether it be going to a full class, doing some invigorating poses before I get dressed in the morning (and yes, occasionally in my office if the mood takes me) or taking time to do some breathing exercises and/or meditation. Yoga brings our focus back inside, away from external stressors and even away from our own thoughts. So it is particularly great to do if your mood is connected to an event, a person or your environment or if it is driven by negative thoughts that are running on repeat through your mind. By tuning back into your self through yoga, you can create some space between you and the cause of your mood - almost like a circuit-breaker - so you can start to see things more clearly and start moving forward. 

• I wear bright coloured socks. Ok - so this one probably seems a bit daft. But bright, cute socks totally make me happy! It is only a recent discovery, too. For ages, I would just buy (or steal my husband's) plain, mostly black socks because I figured this made it easier to always find a pair. But so boring!!! And then for some reason, I think it was during a big sale, I decided I would buy a pack of 3 Happy Socks socks which were multicoloured and a mix of spots and stripes. Since then, I have never gone back to black socks. It isn't like you can see them when I wear them because they are normally hidden by my boots or jeans. But I know that under all of that, there is a pair of brightly coloured, spotty socks. And that just makes me ridiculously happy. I own so many different pairs now - tie-dyed, hot pink animal print, little hamster faces - the cuter and brighter the better!

Source: www.pagesdigital.com

•  I take a nice, long hot bath. Sometimes, even just promising myself that I will have a nice, long hot bath when I get home can get me through a crappy day. Of course, it only works if I then follow-through with my promise! And I make the most of it - candles, bath salts, play my favourite music, put on a face mask (the steam from the bath can actually help the mask sink in and be even more effective) and plenty of time to just lie there and do nothing but soak in the goodness. It is something that I like to do on a Sunday evening - I tend to have the time then to really make the most of it and it makes me feel ready for the week. I especially recommend this if you get the "Sunday evening dread" - that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you realise that the weekend is almost over and that you have to face a perhaps unpleasant job for the next 5 days. (Also, maybe consider changing jobs - because Sunday evening dreads are, in my experience, a sign that something is not right at work.)

Source: www.topdog4me.com

• I listen to some old tunes and dance like I'm a teenager. When I am feeling good, doing something that makes me super happy, I don't *feel* like I am in my 30s. It is only when I am stressed out or feeling bummed that I feel my age - or sometimes even older. So I tap into those carefree younger days by putting on something old school, sing along really loud and dance, dance, dance! (Or, if I am listening to grunge, I kind of mosh about the house and maybe even air guitar a bit.) But, while this is heaps of fun and a great stress-reliever, if you are going to do this, it is VERY important to make sure you are on your own and no-one is likely to walk in on you. Because it could be hard to explain.

Source: www.sirensofsong.com

• I hang out with my cats. Sometimes I just need a bit of time out away from other people so I can recharge. But I never feel the need to spend less time with my cats. Because cats are great. They just want food, sleep and cuddles. And so long as you don't forget the food, they will give you all the love you could ever ask for. Just sitting on the couch, surrounded by my furry little guys makes me ridiculously happy. (I am pretty sure it will work with dogs too - dogs will lavish you with undivided attention and unconditional love, like you are the most wonderful person in the world. Pretty hard to stay unhappy with that kind of energy around you!)
  

So those are a few of the things that make me ridiculously happy. And I try to do them as often as possible - but especially when I'm feeling a little less than awesome. 

Would love to hear your own happy tricks - what do you to bring the smiles on?