I have recently come back from a holiday. Which means, right now, I am feeling pretty relaxed and rejuvenated.
And while I was unwinding next to the pool, I came across a quote in the book I was reading that got me thinking about the nature of relaxation, pleasure and our perpetual pursuit of happiness. Strangely enough, it was 'Junky' by William S Burroughs:
"Perhaps all pleasure is relief."
He was talking about the pleasure and relief that junkies experience when they give in to their addiction after attempting to quit. While that is not an experience I am familiar with, I can definitely relate to the idea of having the main source of my pleasure or happiness being the release from a stressful or strenuous experience.
Hell - often my holidays have felt like that. I will have been working so hard, doing longing hours and feeling like I am being pulled in all directions right up until the moment my plane leaves. And then - nothing. Days and days with no deadlines, no stress, no routine. I normally spend the first few days just catching up on sleep. And, if things have been particularly bad, I find that sometimes I will get sick thanks to adrenal fatigue and a poor, worn out immune system.
But there is that feeling you get when something that seems unbearable - something that you are just white-knuckling your way through - finally stops. It is quite amazing, isn't it. And it can be pretty addictive.
Back when I was an exercise junky, it wasn't just being ultra-fit or looking good that kept me going to the gym - it was that pleasure from relief that really kept me motivated. I used to get through a tough class or a long run by thinking about how good it would feel when I stopped. How great that hot shower would feel on my aching and exhausted muscles. How deeply I would sleep that night. And I would use this to push myself harder, knowing that it would make the reward all that sweeter.
The trouble is though, as sweet as the reward might be, when you are seeking pleasure through relief, it is only ever temporary. And, of course, it comes at a cost - the pain and discomfort that comes from pushing yourself to the extreme, be it mentally, physically or emotionally. Hardly a sustainable path to happiness, is it?
But what if feeling happy was your normal state? Something that you just experienced every day. Is that even possible?
Well, I am starting to come around to the idea that not only is this possible - it is possible for me!
It isn't a quick-fix though, like you might get from drugs, drinking, a holiday, exercising, shopping or anything else we might use for a immediate dose of happy. You actually have to commit to being a happy person. And that requires a commitment to changing the things in your life that aren't serving you. The things that take you further away from feeling happy every day. You need to let go of old habits and introduce good ones. Which will required you to be disciplined and, occasionally, uncomfortable.
Because, even though we might know on an intellectual level that the things we are currently doing are not making us happy in the long-term and may even make us feel worse - like eating too much, not exercising enough or exercising too much, working too hard, drinking to excess, gossiping about people, spending too much time on the internet - we find comfort in these things. These are things that we are familiar with and it can be scary to let go of them.
Which explains why people go for the quick-fixes. They are a LOT easier! But, ultimately, they don't really work. And they won't deliver what you are really after - to be happy!
So what could you be doing differently to start being happier?
To make it less scary, try making a commitment to making just one change for the next 30 days, just to see what it feels like. If you want to, you can go back to your old ways afterwards.
But chances are, you won't want to. Instead, you might find that you have have replaced an old habit with a new one - one that serves you and brings you closer to the life that you want. And sure enough, you will be ready to make even more changes!
Here's to a happy life - not just relief!
And while I was unwinding next to the pool, I came across a quote in the book I was reading that got me thinking about the nature of relaxation, pleasure and our perpetual pursuit of happiness. Strangely enough, it was 'Junky' by William S Burroughs:
"Perhaps all pleasure is relief."
He was talking about the pleasure and relief that junkies experience when they give in to their addiction after attempting to quit. While that is not an experience I am familiar with, I can definitely relate to the idea of having the main source of my pleasure or happiness being the release from a stressful or strenuous experience.
Hell - often my holidays have felt like that. I will have been working so hard, doing longing hours and feeling like I am being pulled in all directions right up until the moment my plane leaves. And then - nothing. Days and days with no deadlines, no stress, no routine. I normally spend the first few days just catching up on sleep. And, if things have been particularly bad, I find that sometimes I will get sick thanks to adrenal fatigue and a poor, worn out immune system.
But there is that feeling you get when something that seems unbearable - something that you are just white-knuckling your way through - finally stops. It is quite amazing, isn't it. And it can be pretty addictive.
Back when I was an exercise junky, it wasn't just being ultra-fit or looking good that kept me going to the gym - it was that pleasure from relief that really kept me motivated. I used to get through a tough class or a long run by thinking about how good it would feel when I stopped. How great that hot shower would feel on my aching and exhausted muscles. How deeply I would sleep that night. And I would use this to push myself harder, knowing that it would make the reward all that sweeter.
The trouble is though, as sweet as the reward might be, when you are seeking pleasure through relief, it is only ever temporary. And, of course, it comes at a cost - the pain and discomfort that comes from pushing yourself to the extreme, be it mentally, physically or emotionally. Hardly a sustainable path to happiness, is it?
But what if feeling happy was your normal state? Something that you just experienced every day. Is that even possible?
Well, I am starting to come around to the idea that not only is this possible - it is possible for me!
It isn't a quick-fix though, like you might get from drugs, drinking, a holiday, exercising, shopping or anything else we might use for a immediate dose of happy. You actually have to commit to being a happy person. And that requires a commitment to changing the things in your life that aren't serving you. The things that take you further away from feeling happy every day. You need to let go of old habits and introduce good ones. Which will required you to be disciplined and, occasionally, uncomfortable.
Because, even though we might know on an intellectual level that the things we are currently doing are not making us happy in the long-term and may even make us feel worse - like eating too much, not exercising enough or exercising too much, working too hard, drinking to excess, gossiping about people, spending too much time on the internet - we find comfort in these things. These are things that we are familiar with and it can be scary to let go of them.
Which explains why people go for the quick-fixes. They are a LOT easier! But, ultimately, they don't really work. And they won't deliver what you are really after - to be happy!
So what could you be doing differently to start being happier?
To make it less scary, try making a commitment to making just one change for the next 30 days, just to see what it feels like. If you want to, you can go back to your old ways afterwards.
But chances are, you won't want to. Instead, you might find that you have have replaced an old habit with a new one - one that serves you and brings you closer to the life that you want. And sure enough, you will be ready to make even more changes!
Here's to a happy life - not just relief!
