Resolutions that don't suck

Merry Christmas you guys! 

Now that Christmas is coming to a close for another year, it is time to put down that mince pie and start thinking about the new year that you are about to embark on.

Because no matter how crappy last year was for you, 2014 has something that 2013 hasn't got:

Potential!

Which is why, at the end of each year, we all feel compelled to come up with a list of things that we are currently failing miserably at with the hope that this will somehow make us more focussed on doing things differently in the new year.

Unfortunately though, notwithstanding best intentions, most people manage maybe a couple of weeks of sticking to their resolutions before going back to their old ways. At least until next year, when they start to think about it all over again.

I have a pretty woeful record myself. Giving up caffeine, going vegan (I ended up doing this but not off the back of a new year's resolution), exercising more, focussing on my career, reading more - all of them managed to keep me interested until about January 5 before the drudgery of day to day life made keeping my new resolutions seem unimportant and, to be honest, a bit of a pain in the arse.

But a few years ago, I decided to take a different approach. I had a pretty massive list of things to change or improve on in the new year. I wanted to do more yoga, eat better, be more organised, try new things, spend more time with friends and family, give more to charity (but do proper research first so my money went where it would help the most), draw, write, dance, sing and read more, see more bands, see more theatre blah blah blah. It was ridiculous. Way too much stuff to focus on for 5 days.

But each one was actually really important to me so I didn't want to just give up on them all together either.

So, rather than set myself up to fail (again) I decided that I would spread them out over the whole year instead. I picked one thing that I wanted to work on for each month of the year. This way, I wouldn't have to feel guilty about something that was on the list just because I hadn't done it in January - I knew I would be getting to it later on in the year (maybe)!

For example, February was all about work - getting more organised, finding out what training sessions were on, looking into getting an executive coach etc. I didn't have to get it all done by a particular date or anything - I just had to think about what I wanted to improve about my work life in February and set a few things in motion. September was devoted to yoga - so I decided I would try to do yoga at least once a day for the whole month (I think I missed three days), tried out different classes and signed up for online classes on YogaGlo so I could do more yoga at home.

So now, each year at the end of December, I make up a big calendar with all the different resolutions set out on it at the start of the year and I stick it up in my office. All year long I look at it to see what was coming up or maybe what I had accidentally skipped (oops!). Sometimes I might even get really excited about it - like the month that was all about culture where I got to book tickets to see lots of different plays, bands, talks etc that were coming up. The month about getting my finances in order, on the other hand, wasn't such a joy.

It isn't always a total success - some resolutions get pretty much ignored - but it was definitely better than the attempts I had made in previous years where I set one of two huge resolutions that take effect from 1 January. And because I get to keep doing things all year long, it is far more achievable and balanced than the usual approach.

So, of course, this year, I am doing it again! Here is what I have got so far:

This year is all about integrating my yoga teaching with the rest of my life. So the whole of January is dedicated to setting this up (as much as possible). I usually do health stuff in January because I feel so crappy after indulging so much of the holidays, but I need to get my business in order first. 

Would love to hear if anyone else has big new year resolutions planned - or if anyone takes up my year of resolutions idea. Drop me a line in the comments. 

Oh and have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!! 

xx 

The battles of others

November is here which means my October challenge is over. And I can not say that it was a total success.

I knew that it would be hard - not gossiping or saying negative things for a whole month. What I didn't appreciate was that it would be, in fact, impossible! I don't think I managed a day with out some kind of bitchy or judgemental comment slipping from my mouth. Also, after setting the challenge for myself, I became aware of just how often this caustic thoughts come up - basically all the time!

I could write these thoughts off as just harmless observations. Or that it is natural - something we are all prone to doing. But I don't honestly believe that. I do think that we all do it. But I don't agree it is harmless nor do I think it is natural. Because usually, when I have these thoughts, and especially when I feel the need to vocalise them, it is an indication of some kind of personal insecurity.

Just because this challenge was not a huge success does not mean that it was a waste of time. To begin with, when I would catch myself saying something bitchy or gossipy, I would chastise myself for failing at my challenge. But when I realised just how hard the challenge would be, I decided to change the way I looked at the challenge. So instead of making it all about avoiding these thoughts and comments, each time one came up I would check myself - question where the thought was coming from, what it perhaps said about me and how I was feeling about myself - be it my looks, intelligence, success, character etc.

Sometimes, the answer was obvious. I would comment on someone else acting in an aggressive way at work (i.e. "Wow - she is such a bitch! What is her problem? She obviously has issues.") because I was thinking that she disapproved of me personally or thought I wasn't worthy of her time, and I was trying to reassure myself that her attitude towards me wasn't about me and that it was all about her. Which might be true. But it is beside the point. I felt the need to say something about her because I was worried about my own personality or performance at work. When I realised it was all about me, I was less likely to continue engaging in gossip or complaining/

Other times, I wasn't sure what it was about particular behaviour that would inspire me to lash out. It seemed to not have any real impact on my life at all. But if this was the case, why was I letting it bring negative thoughts up and then to spill out of my mouth and into the world? Often, just questioning myself like this made me lose interest in engaging in the gossip any longer.

The other thing that has really helped me through this challenge has been this quote (who is often attributed to Plato but this seems to be questionable):

When you remember that other people - people you are whinging or bitching about - will have some bigger struggle going on in their life that will not doubt be so much greater than the superficial thing you are commenting on. And when you turn your mind to this fact, it it reminds you that the person you are gossiping about is a human being. And even if they are doing something that seems abhorrent to you, you really don't know what is going on in their life - what their struggle is. And, chances are, they are just trying to do the best they can in spite of this.

Of course, being aware of this won't help their struggle anyway, but it did tend to stop my negative bitching in its tracks. It was replaced with empathy instead. And kindness. And a much better mindset. So it might not help them, but it sure as hell helped me!

I haven't picked a November challenge. I have just finished my yoga teacher training (more on this later!!!) and am preoccupied with exciting thoughts for the future and where I will take these new skills. So maybe I will give myself a break this month. Other than to make the most of every single opportunity that comes my way. Actually - that is my challenge! To say "yes" more often! :)

Namaste. xox

Doing what you know you should

I am almost at the end of a 10 day detox. Day 9 in fact. No dairy, no alcohol (neither of which I have anyway), no sugar (eep!) and no caffeine (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!!). Plus yoga classes every day (not a big change, but it did mean that I had to go to 6.30am classes to make sure that I didn't miss a day - so, no more sleep-ins and more EEEEEEEEEP!!!!)

So why do this?

Well, at teacher training the other week we were asked to make a couple of lists: one of things that support our wellbeing (stuff like yoga, meditation, eating well, getting plenty of sleep, reading, laughing, practising gratitude, spending time with positive people) and the other of things that don't support our wellbeing (drinking coffee, sleeping in, eating junk, gossiping, procrastinating, negative self-talk, spending time with toxic people).

Seeing all these things written down really got me thinking - given that was so easy for me to come up with these lists, why don't I do more of the things on the first list, and waaaaay less of the things on the second list?

The answer is the same for me as it is for all of us - comfort. Even though I know that sticking with my current habits doesn't make me feel as great as I could feel, I get comfort from them. Like when I am feeling down on myself, so to make myself feel better I decide to treat myself - I skip yoga, eat pizza and chocolate and read trashy gossip magazines until late. Then I sleep in the next morning (again skipping yoga and meditation), drink coffee to stay awake all day and feel even worse about myself. Which is all my fault, because I am stupid and awful and deserve to feel this crappy. Sound familiar? Well it sounds really familiar to me because I do it way too much!

When my yoga studio (the totally wonderful House of Yoga in Redfern) announced that it was launching a 10 Day Push, I decided it would be the kick up the butt I needed to change things up a bit. And change them for the better!

And as I come to the end of the 10 days, I have to admit - I feel amazing! I have been getting up really early, feeling awake all day, eating well, sleeping well, my mood is more stable, I am more focussed, happier, grateful... I seem to be attracting more positive, supportive people into my life too.  All in just 9 days!?!?!

It's true - day one was tough. I had headaches and was in a major brain-fog all day. And yes, it sucks when I walk to work and the whole of the city seems to be enjoying delicious smelling coffee. Or when I walk past the cup cake stall on my way to buy lunch. But it has not been impossible. And every day that I stick to the plan, I am supporting my wellbeing and choosing to happiness. Even on rough days, I am in the best possible place to deal with the challenges I am thrown.

Ok - so maybe I am still in the euphoric, honeymoon stage. There is only one way to find out for sure - to keep it all up even after the 10 days are over!!

Wish me luck!
xoxo

Hear no evil, say no evil

My 30 day challenge for September went really well - I managed to fit my yoga and meditation in on 28 of the 30 days - and for many of the days I did it longer than I had committed to.

Even better - I have kept it up so far even though it is now October. 

But that doesn't mean that I haven't set a new challenge for the new month! While I admit that October did kind of creep up on me and I didn't have a challenge until the 2nd (which I figure is ok cos there are 31 days in October!), I have managed to come up with a doozy! 

Inspiration actually hit me at the hairdressers (it takes over two hours for me to keep my roots in check so I had a lot of time to think). One of my guilty pleasures at the hairdressers is to read those really trashy magazines. I used to buy them myself but found they were so full of negativity and hatefulness that I just didn't need in my life so I stopped. But at the hairdresser, I let myself flip through them and look at all the pretty people (and try to ignore all the stuff about who has put on too much weight, who has lost too much weight, who looks ugly without makeup, who is losing their boyfriend/ husband/ dignity). This week, pretty much every single magazine had Miley Cyrus on the front. 

There is a lot going on with the whole Miley thing, and I am not going to go into it here. I didn't read the articles but there were a bunch of photos of her (stills from her latest video and her VMA performance), her now ex-fiance Liam and his new girlfriend (I think) so I am guessing it was something to do with the breakdown of her relationship. I looked at the photos for a bit before flicking on to the next pages where all the red carpet fashion shots were (my favourite part of the trash mags). The woman next to me though, who was reading the same mags, clearly found the story about Miley far more upsetting (although I doubt she read the article either - I mean, does anyone?). 

"Oh gawd! Just *look* at her, would you!" she exclaimed, "No wonder Liam left her! Would you want your girlfriend dressing like that? She looks like a total skank!" 

This kind of a reaction is not unusual. I have probably thought - maybe even said - things like this about celebrities before myself. But hearing it like that, it just suddenly struck me how awful and useless this kind of gossip was. Seeing a photo or two, making a snap decision and assumptions about someone you don't really know and casting dispersions about who they are (and it is seldom something nice like, "Oh, I bet she is really nice to her granny!"  or "She has great teeth - she must floss a lot!") - all it serves is to put negativity out into the world. And to what end? To show your concern? Doubtful. To feel superior to the person you are gossiping about and make you feel better about yourself? Far more likely. 

Whether you are saying it about a celebrity or someone you know, when you engage in nasty gossip, not only are you being unnecessarily mean, it actually exposes parts of yourself that you are probably trying to hide. Why do you feel the need to point out how much weight someone has put on? Why do you like to tell people about someone's relationship failures? Why are you so interested in this piece of gossip that you feel the need to vocalise it and spread it to others? Maybe you don't want to think about those things. Because it is a LOT easier to just point and judge others than to look inside to see what might be really upsetting you.

Ok - that sounds really preachy, doesn't it? So let's get something straight. I gossip. I don't even know how much but probably a lot. I get caught up in it at work, with friends, with family, at yoga - everywhere that people meet up and chat, there is gossip and I am just as susceptible to it as anyone else. And, given I used to pride myself on being a totally caustic bitch, I can be pretty cutting if I really get caught up in it. It is not pretty at all. 

But, for the month of October, I am not going to gossip. 

Given that I am often not actually aware that I am gossiping until it is too late, this is going to be one tough-arse challenge! I am not even sure exactly where the line is just between observation or a meaningful discussion and actual, proper gossip. I just kind of feel like it is something I get involved in too often and it is something where, when I witness it or catch myself in the middle of it, I really don't like what I hear. 

Source: www.radicalimprov.net

I don't expect I will be able to meet this challenge 100 per cent. I think I will probably slip into the habit quite a bit in fact. But when I do, I am going to try to catch myself, stop, and then think about what it is that has made me say the things I am saying. What does this gossip say about me, my fears and my challenges? Does the person I am gossiping about represent something I dislike in myself? Someone I wish I could be more like but that I am too scared to be? 

I am hoping that, by being more aware of the things I say over the next month, this will lead to me gossiping less and generally being a nicer person. Which sounds good, right? And again, will let you know on FaceBook how I am progressing. 

Wish me luck!!! 

Up for the challenge?

Have you seen this great TED Talk by Matt Cuts where he asks us to try something new for 30 days?

The idea of committing to something for a month - whether it be growing a moustache or not drinking - is not exactly new. But watching this talk really inspired me.

I always have these grand - and some not so grand - plans in my head: things I have always wanted to do, habits I have wanted to break, routines that I have wanted to start. There are always so many of them, though, that I often feel too overwhelmed and end up doing none of them. Or if I do start them, I do it in a half-arsed way.

That is why this talk makes so much sense. You just pick one thing and then you commit yourself to it for the next 30 days. And then the next month, you can choose something different.

The great thing about 30 days is it is short enough not to intimidate, but it is long enough to start making a real change in your life. (Or, if it doesn't work out, you haven't really wasted that much time either.)

So how transformative can one month be?

Well, it was because of a 30 day challenge that I set myself 2 years ago that I was able to make the shift from vegetarian to vegan. I had made a couple of previous attempts at going vegan. Each time I started, I assumed it was the beginning of a life-long change. And I would go ok for a week or so, but then something would come up - I would be at an event where I had forgotten to tell people I my dietary requirements, or I was eating out with friends and there weren't any vegan options on the menu (I now know better than to just rely on menus and always ask restaurants what they can do for me or I ask them to change an existing vegetarian meal by ditching the cheese). Whatever it was, it suddenly all seemed to hard, I would start making exceptions (only when I eat out) or excuses (it is just too hard) and then I would be back to where I began.

But, when I decided in 2011 that I would eat only plant-based for the whole of July, there was no need for excuses or exceptions. Because giving up eggs and dairy for 30 days (or 31 in my case) didn't seem like that big of a deal. And because I wasn't stressed about it, I was able to enjoy the experience. I ordered my first ever vegan pizza, found vegan cupcakes and tried vegan chocolate and I also started asking cafes and restaurants to make things vegan for me. And by August, it was done. I was a vegan!

Once you realise that vegan chocolate exists - and is delicious, it isn't so hard.

With today being the first day of spring, I felt inspired to set myself a new challenge. I have decided to make September all about yoga (surprise!). Given that I will be a qualified yoga teacher by the end of October (fingers crossed), I want to put a nice, regular yoga practice into place so that I will have a strong platform to build on when I start teaching.

So, for each day in September I will be doing at least 45 minute asana practice and 10 minutes of meditation. My intention is to wake up earlier to get my practice done before the day even starts. But even if I don't manage that, I will be doing it before I go to bed. Every. Day. For 30 days.

Sadly, I won't be yoga-ing with these views every morning :(

Wish me luck! I will be giving updates on my Facebook page if you want to follow along. And feel free to join in - I would love to hear from others about their successes and experiences!

Namaste xox