November is here which means my October challenge is over. And I can not say that it was a total success.
I knew that it would be hard - not gossiping or saying negative things for a whole month. What I didn't appreciate was that it would be, in fact, impossible! I don't think I managed a day with out some kind of bitchy or judgemental comment slipping from my mouth. Also, after setting the challenge for myself, I became aware of just how often this caustic thoughts come up - basically all the time!
I could write these thoughts off as just harmless observations. Or that it is natural - something we are all prone to doing. But I don't honestly believe that. I do think that we all do it. But I don't agree it is harmless nor do I think it is natural. Because usually, when I have these thoughts, and especially when I feel the need to vocalise them, it is an indication of some kind of personal insecurity.
Just because this challenge was not a huge success does not mean that it was a waste of time. To begin with, when I would catch myself saying something bitchy or gossipy, I would chastise myself for failing at my challenge. But when I realised just how hard the challenge would be, I decided to change the way I looked at the challenge. So instead of making it all about avoiding these thoughts and comments, each time one came up I would check myself - question where the thought was coming from, what it perhaps said about me and how I was feeling about myself - be it my looks, intelligence, success, character etc.
Sometimes, the answer was obvious. I would comment on someone else acting in an aggressive way at work (i.e. "Wow - she is such a bitch! What is her problem? She obviously has issues.") because I was thinking that she disapproved of me personally or thought I wasn't worthy of her time, and I was trying to reassure myself that her attitude towards me wasn't about me and that it was all about her. Which might be true. But it is beside the point. I felt the need to say something about her because I was worried about my own personality or performance at work. When I realised it was all about me, I was less likely to continue engaging in gossip or complaining/
Other times, I wasn't sure what it was about particular behaviour that would inspire me to lash out. It seemed to not have any real impact on my life at all. But if this was the case, why was I letting it bring negative thoughts up and then to spill out of my mouth and into the world? Often, just questioning myself like this made me lose interest in engaging in the gossip any longer.
The other thing that has really helped me through this challenge has been this quote (who is often attributed to Plato but this seems to be questionable):
When you remember that other people - people you are whinging or bitching about - will have some bigger struggle going on in their life that will not doubt be so much greater than the superficial thing you are commenting on. And when you turn your mind to this fact, it it reminds you that the person you are gossiping about is a human being. And even if they are doing something that seems abhorrent to you, you really don't know what is going on in their life - what their struggle is. And, chances are, they are just trying to do the best they can in spite of this.
Of course, being aware of this won't help their struggle anyway, but it did tend to stop my negative bitching in its tracks. It was replaced with empathy instead. And kindness. And a much better mindset. So it might not help them, but it sure as hell helped me!
I haven't picked a November challenge. I have just finished my yoga teacher training (more on this later!!!) and am preoccupied with exciting thoughts for the future and where I will take these new skills. So maybe I will give myself a break this month. Other than to make the most of every single opportunity that comes my way. Actually - that is my challenge! To say "yes" more often! :)
Namaste. xox
I knew that it would be hard - not gossiping or saying negative things for a whole month. What I didn't appreciate was that it would be, in fact, impossible! I don't think I managed a day with out some kind of bitchy or judgemental comment slipping from my mouth. Also, after setting the challenge for myself, I became aware of just how often this caustic thoughts come up - basically all the time!
I could write these thoughts off as just harmless observations. Or that it is natural - something we are all prone to doing. But I don't honestly believe that. I do think that we all do it. But I don't agree it is harmless nor do I think it is natural. Because usually, when I have these thoughts, and especially when I feel the need to vocalise them, it is an indication of some kind of personal insecurity.
Just because this challenge was not a huge success does not mean that it was a waste of time. To begin with, when I would catch myself saying something bitchy or gossipy, I would chastise myself for failing at my challenge. But when I realised just how hard the challenge would be, I decided to change the way I looked at the challenge. So instead of making it all about avoiding these thoughts and comments, each time one came up I would check myself - question where the thought was coming from, what it perhaps said about me and how I was feeling about myself - be it my looks, intelligence, success, character etc.
Sometimes, the answer was obvious. I would comment on someone else acting in an aggressive way at work (i.e. "Wow - she is such a bitch! What is her problem? She obviously has issues.") because I was thinking that she disapproved of me personally or thought I wasn't worthy of her time, and I was trying to reassure myself that her attitude towards me wasn't about me and that it was all about her. Which might be true. But it is beside the point. I felt the need to say something about her because I was worried about my own personality or performance at work. When I realised it was all about me, I was less likely to continue engaging in gossip or complaining/
Other times, I wasn't sure what it was about particular behaviour that would inspire me to lash out. It seemed to not have any real impact on my life at all. But if this was the case, why was I letting it bring negative thoughts up and then to spill out of my mouth and into the world? Often, just questioning myself like this made me lose interest in engaging in the gossip any longer.
The other thing that has really helped me through this challenge has been this quote (who is often attributed to Plato but this seems to be questionable):
When you remember that other people - people you are whinging or bitching about - will have some bigger struggle going on in their life that will not doubt be so much greater than the superficial thing you are commenting on. And when you turn your mind to this fact, it it reminds you that the person you are gossiping about is a human being. And even if they are doing something that seems abhorrent to you, you really don't know what is going on in their life - what their struggle is. And, chances are, they are just trying to do the best they can in spite of this.
Of course, being aware of this won't help their struggle anyway, but it did tend to stop my negative bitching in its tracks. It was replaced with empathy instead. And kindness. And a much better mindset. So it might not help them, but it sure as hell helped me!
I haven't picked a November challenge. I have just finished my yoga teacher training (more on this later!!!) and am preoccupied with exciting thoughts for the future and where I will take these new skills. So maybe I will give myself a break this month. Other than to make the most of every single opportunity that comes my way. Actually - that is my challenge! To say "yes" more often! :)
Namaste. xox
