Smiley happy yogi

Ever since I started my yoga teacher training last year, one piece of sagely advice that I consistently receive from other teachers is to make sure I keep up my personal practice.

While it was clearly sound advice, I honestly thought it wouldn't be much of an issue for me. I mean, I LOVE yoga. There is no way that I would neglect my own practice just because I was teaching as well. If anything, teaching will just make me even more focussed on my practice.

Fast-forward 12 months, I am now teaching a couple of regular classes a week on the side of my fairly demanding full-time job. And my personal practice? Well, let's just say that it isn't receiving the kind of attention that it deserves. Yep. Everyone was right.

You see, when I'm not at work or teaching a class, I am planning my classes, trying to get more classes, volunteering to teach community classes or to help out at events - not to mention the admin that my new side-venture has created. Don't get me wrong - I am absolutely loving it (well maybe not the admin). But I feel like I am already yoga-ing all over the place before I even get to my own practice!

Motivation for my regular practice had definitely waned. Something that used to be an immense source of joy for me became something that I needed to fit into my week somewhere. Like jumping on the treadmill. Or doing the laundry.

Not great.

I had been aware that this was a less than ideal situation for a while but kind of hoped it would sort itself out over time. It wasn't until took a class with Eoin Finn (blissology.com) at the Sydney Wanderlust Festival (where I was volunteering of course!) that I realised what I needed to do to get me out of my yoga funk: Make it fun again!

You see, one of the side-effects of becoming a qualified yoga teacher was this increased awareness of every aspect of every pose that I do. As I move through my asanas, I had got into a habit of mentally checking off every point of alignment, constantly making refinements and perfecting my pose. I am even ticking off the contraindications and options that I could give to students if I was teaching the pose. Basically, every practice started to feel like I was prepping for an exam.

So when Eoin opened his class saying that we would be doing some kinda out-there, non-traditional moves (incorporating flowing transitions inspired by his love of surfing) my eyes lit up! The next hour or so was spent exploring movement, feeling into the poses and - yes - having a whole lot of fun. For the first time in ages, I felt like I could really get out of my head and not only into my body but also into my heart - letting my movements be led by what felt good instead of just doing what I was supposed to do.

Since that class, I have been on the look out for other ways that I can to bring more happy to my practice. I have been taking workshops, trying new classes, doing classes with friends and making new, upbeat playlists for my home practice. But perhaps the simplest way I have found is to just set an intention at the beginning of class to bring lightness to the class, to smile lots and to just not take it all so seriously.

Because at the end of the day, it's just yoga, right?

Namaste! xox 

Cleaning up your act

It is 2014! And so far, so good.

If you checked out my last post, you will know that I am not really into conventional resolutions. I'm also not that into extreme diets or restrictive eating to lose weight - even after periods of prolonged periods of pigging out   (aka my Christmas break).

But if you have been slacking off on the diet front, the new year is a great time to get back into healthy eating.

If it's this green, it has GOT to be good.

So if healthy eating is one of your goals for 2014, here are a few tips to keep you on the wagon:

1. Don't try to do it all at once! If you have accumulated a whole bunch of bad habits, don't try to ditch them all at once - you will most likely feel overwhelmed and give up if you do. Pick the worst habit - maybe drinking too much alcohol or coffee or eating too much fried or sugary foods - and work on removing that one first. Once you get a handle on that one, you will feel more accomplished and ready to start tackling the rest of your habits. Just tweaking your diet like this over time can create massive changes that are more likely to last. 
2. Focus on the good stuff. If you only focus on the things that you can't eat any more, you are only going to be miserable. Which means that you will probably not want to keep going. Instead, treat the goal of healthy eating as a positive. Learn new recipes, try new foods, read up on nutrition and how you can use food as fuel and to heal. Get excited about your new path and you will want to keep it up.
3. Don't rely on exercise alone. If you want to be healthy and to feel great, it doesn't matter how much yoga, running or sessions at the gym you do, you won't feel great. Even if you happen to lose weight or you are already naturally thin, if you eat junk, you will feel crap. Your body needs nutrient-dense, whole foods to feel great - so fuel your body with lots of healthy foods, mostly plants, in as close to their natural state as possible. 
4. Be wary of crazy diets. While you are researching health and nutrition, you are bound to come across some weird diet plans. While it is interesting to read up on these and get inspiration and ideas, I would caution against following any one in particular. Especially if they tell you to avoid large, seemingly healthy food groups, like grains or fruit. Sure, you don't want to be eating all the white bread you can find - but there is no reason to avoid brown rice, oats or other whole grains completely (unless of course you have an intolerance or are allergic). And treat any diet that tells you not to eat mangoes or any other fruit with great suspicion (because seriously, if you can't enjoy mangoes in the summertime, what is the damn point?!?). 
5. You don't need pills or special shakes to be healthy. Diet pills and shakes are just short-term solutions and are full of chemicals. You don't need them. If you are eating a balanced diet based mostly on fresh vegetables, whole grains, pulses, nuts and seeds, you will start noticing results and feel amazing.  Also, Eating well doesn't have to be expensive - which might be hard to believe if you take any advice from Gwyneth Paltrow. Sure there are lots of amazing super foods out there that cost a bunch and come with all sorts of wonderful health claims, but they aren't essential to a healthy diet. Want to find health? Keep it clean and unprocessed - it is that easy. 
6. Drink lots of water! But you already knew that one, right?  

When in doubt, make a green smoothie! Filling, yummy and healthy as.

I am sure there are plenty of others but these ones seem the most important to me. Hopefully they are helpful in getting you back on the path of good health. And if you wander off the path at any point? No big deal. Just start back where you left off, remind yourself why it is that you are making health your priority, and don't dwell on the slip. Because slips happen. What matters is what you do afterwards.

Shanti!
xx

Resolutions that don't suck

Merry Christmas you guys! 

Now that Christmas is coming to a close for another year, it is time to put down that mince pie and start thinking about the new year that you are about to embark on.

Because no matter how crappy last year was for you, 2014 has something that 2013 hasn't got:

Potential!

Which is why, at the end of each year, we all feel compelled to come up with a list of things that we are currently failing miserably at with the hope that this will somehow make us more focussed on doing things differently in the new year.

Unfortunately though, notwithstanding best intentions, most people manage maybe a couple of weeks of sticking to their resolutions before going back to their old ways. At least until next year, when they start to think about it all over again.

I have a pretty woeful record myself. Giving up caffeine, going vegan (I ended up doing this but not off the back of a new year's resolution), exercising more, focussing on my career, reading more - all of them managed to keep me interested until about January 5 before the drudgery of day to day life made keeping my new resolutions seem unimportant and, to be honest, a bit of a pain in the arse.

But a few years ago, I decided to take a different approach. I had a pretty massive list of things to change or improve on in the new year. I wanted to do more yoga, eat better, be more organised, try new things, spend more time with friends and family, give more to charity (but do proper research first so my money went where it would help the most), draw, write, dance, sing and read more, see more bands, see more theatre blah blah blah. It was ridiculous. Way too much stuff to focus on for 5 days.

But each one was actually really important to me so I didn't want to just give up on them all together either.

So, rather than set myself up to fail (again) I decided that I would spread them out over the whole year instead. I picked one thing that I wanted to work on for each month of the year. This way, I wouldn't have to feel guilty about something that was on the list just because I hadn't done it in January - I knew I would be getting to it later on in the year (maybe)!

For example, February was all about work - getting more organised, finding out what training sessions were on, looking into getting an executive coach etc. I didn't have to get it all done by a particular date or anything - I just had to think about what I wanted to improve about my work life in February and set a few things in motion. September was devoted to yoga - so I decided I would try to do yoga at least once a day for the whole month (I think I missed three days), tried out different classes and signed up for online classes on YogaGlo so I could do more yoga at home.

So now, each year at the end of December, I make up a big calendar with all the different resolutions set out on it at the start of the year and I stick it up in my office. All year long I look at it to see what was coming up or maybe what I had accidentally skipped (oops!). Sometimes I might even get really excited about it - like the month that was all about culture where I got to book tickets to see lots of different plays, bands, talks etc that were coming up. The month about getting my finances in order, on the other hand, wasn't such a joy.

It isn't always a total success - some resolutions get pretty much ignored - but it was definitely better than the attempts I had made in previous years where I set one of two huge resolutions that take effect from 1 January. And because I get to keep doing things all year long, it is far more achievable and balanced than the usual approach.

So, of course, this year, I am doing it again! Here is what I have got so far:

This year is all about integrating my yoga teaching with the rest of my life. So the whole of January is dedicated to setting this up (as much as possible). I usually do health stuff in January because I feel so crappy after indulging so much of the holidays, but I need to get my business in order first. 

Would love to hear if anyone else has big new year resolutions planned - or if anyone takes up my year of resolutions idea. Drop me a line in the comments. 

Oh and have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!! 

xx 

Hot tips for yoga newbies

One thing that I would really love to achieve with teaching yoga is to make yogis out of people who may not have thought yoga was for them.  I want to convert the gym bunnies, the buff boys (ALL the buff boys!), the couch potatoes, the suits, those who think they are too old, too big, too generally unbendy - anyone with a body basically.

But before that can happen, these people have to feel like they can turn up to the mat - to take their first yoga class. And when they do, they can't feel too self-conscious, awkward or otherwise out of place - otherwise they will probably never come back!

Because, yes, yoga can be a bit intimidating to the uninitiated. It has its own language. The way you move your body through poses is different to most other forms of exercise that you may have tried. There are no winners or losers. There is a LOT of lycra. The classes seem to be full of mostly women. Young women. Young, thin, flexible, white women.

Ok - maybe I am one of these women. But seriously - yoga is for you too!!!! 

You can be forgiven if you think it is all just too weird and have decided it is not for you.

But I swear to you - if you have a body and are willing to move it, yoga IS for you! It will make you feel amazing. Change the way you breathe. Make your mind calmer. Create a sense of peace that you never thought possible. Its ability to transform has to be experienced to be believed - but it is something that people all over the world, men and women of different ages, sizes and ethnicities, experience over and over again. And you can too.

So - the first thing you have to do is turn up to a class. And I thought I would make this easier for you by arming you with a few useful bits of information to help you through your first class with minimal damage. If you have these covered, at the very least, your experience will not be an unnecessarily embarrassing one. And my hope is, by taking potential humiliation out of the equation, you are far more likely to be able to enjoy the class and take in the whole experience.

Tip 1. What are you wearing?
It is true that about 90% of the people in class will be wearing leggings from Lululemon. Not sure what Lululemon even is? Don't worry - it isn't some weird, yogi cult that will try to convert you. Kinda. It is a ridiculously popular brand of fitness apparel that, while expensive, makes pretty awesome leggings. For this reason, a lot of yogis seem to live in Lululemon leggings.

But don't worry - buying a pair of $100+ leggings is not mandatory attire. Almost any leggings, shorts or tracksuit pants that allow you to move freely will do - but with a few very important caveats:

• While shorts are fine, try to avoid wearing the really short loose ones that you would normally wear running. You will most likely be doing movements that cause your shorts to gape - potentially exposes your - well - everything to the class. Not pleasant - for you or your classmates that happen to have your crotch at their eyeline! If the only thing you own are short and baggy shorts, maybe wear boxers or boy-leg underwear to minimise indecent exposure. But please - for the love of everyone - wear underpants of some description! I have seen more than a few, erm, "love-spuds" drop out the side of a pair of baggy shorts in class and it was mildly traumatising. 
• Leggings are obviously great for yoga - they are stretchy and allow lots of movement. That's why  they are the choice for most women (and some guys) to practice in. However, before you head to class, check out the back view in the mirror. Now, bend over and make sure the extra stretching that this requires of your leggings hasn't just rendered them entirely see-through. Given that most women choose to wear g-strings under their leggings, if they go transparent when you bend over, you are basically going to show everyone behind you a full shot of your arse. If you haven't got any alternatives, again try putting on some more substantial underpants that are the same colour as your leggings so people won't really see much. Or chuck shorts over the top for extra coverage.
• Check out the description of the class that you are going to - does it say it is a "hot" class or is it Bikram? There is a reason those photos of Bikram always have girls in what appear to be bikinis. You are going to sweat. A lot! You don't have to wear hot pants - especially if this will make you feel self-conscious - but similarly you don't want to wear fleece tracksuit pants. Cropped leggings or bike shorts work fine. 

And for your top half - wear anything you like. Be aware that occasionally you will be hanging upside down though so if you are wearing a baggy top it will lift up. Wear a nice crop top underneath or you aren't comfortable doing that, wear a more fitted tank or t-shirt. Again, be aware of whether the class will be heated and wear something lighter if it is.

Oh - and yoga is done barefoot. So leave the shoes and socks at the door.

Tip 2. Where will you set up? 
When you are new at anything, it is tempting to go waaaaaaaaaaay up the back of the class where no one can see you bumble your way through.

And I get that - I totally do. It makes sense that you don't want to be in the very front row. But if you can summon up the courage to go in maybe the second or third row, you are probably going to be able to follow the class a lot better.

Feeling like an idiot in front of other people is not fun. And trying something new for the first time - especially as an adult - is guaranteed to make you feel like an idiot for at least some of the time. But if you can actually see the instructor - and they can see you - you are going to look like less of an idiot than if you just hide at the back, not knowing what is going on.

Also, because yoga is a personal journey and isn't a competitive pursuit, I can almost guarantee that the other people in class are not watching you. Everyone will be focussed on their own pose and on their own bodies. The only ones who will be looking at others with be the other newbies and they won't be looking at you either - they will be looking at the teacher or at the more advanced yogis in the room so they can see what they are meant to be doing too.

So set up as close to the front as you can, making sure you can see the teacher, and relax. Nobody's looking!

Tip 3. What are they doing?
Which brings us to the actual class itself. When you get there, it is a good idea to introduce yourself to the teacher and let them know that you haven't done yoga before. This way they can tell you a little bit about how they structure the class and what you can expect. They will also be able to keep an eye out for you during class to make sure you aren't freaking out or doing damage to yourself.

Then you find a place for your mat (not at the back!!!) and try as much as possible to follow the teacher's instructions.

Which sounds easy. But, as I mentioned earlier, there will be weird moves going on that are probably unlike anything you've done before. So what happens if you get completely lost or tangled up in your own limbs?

Well first - don't panic!! Unravel yourself as much as possible and breathe. If you are totally lost, just take downward facing dog or child's pose until the class moves to the next pose. If you were doing fine until the teacher started adding on some fancy-pants options - go back to the pose you were in before you got lost and enjoy that pose. The other stuff can come later on. This also applies if you are feeling intense pain (i.e. more than just that nice ache of a stretching muscle and ANY pain in a joint) in any pose. I know - you want to prove that you can do EVERYTHING right NOW! But it is your first class - so be easy on yourself and accept that yoga, like everything in life, might take a little while to get used to. Battling your ego like this is one of the most important lessons that yoga will teach you. So by taking a step back and sticking with the simpler pose you are actually being a totally awesome yogi. Yay you!!!!

And remember - falling over is always an option! It just means you are working past your comfort zone. :)

If you are really nervous about the poses, maybe check out a few yoga websites or youtube clips to make yourself familiar with some of the more common poses. Yoga Journal is a great resource for getting a breakdown of all the poses.

Also, at the end of every class you will be asked to lie down in "Savasana" with your eyes closed. And you do just that - you lie down and do nothing for 5 or so minutes. It is amazing! But you may not think so when you are just starting. You might get bored, impatient, frustrated - all these things are normal. We aren't used to being asked to just do nothing. Every other part of our life tells us to do more things. But not here. Try to stay still. If you find it hard to keep your eyes closed, maybe put your towel or jumper over your eyes. If your mind runs on overtime - that is ok. It will get easier to slow your thinking down over time. For now, you biggest battle will just be to stay still for the full 5 minutes without going crazy. Count your breath maybe. Focus on your heartbeat. Just enjoy the fact that you don't have to do anything for the next little while.

Tip 4. What was that all about? 
It is possible that you will not enjoy your first class and that your instinct will be to never bother with it again. But please, PLEASE give it at least one more shot. Maybe try a different teacher, a different studio or a different style of yoga. There are so many different options out there now and one of them is bound to tickle your fancy.

Too boring? Try a power yoga class (these tend to be more dynamic and so are stronger and move faster). Too hard or you just couldn't keep up? Try a Hatha or  Iyengar class (these tend to hold poses longer and use props to help you get into proper alignment so can be a good introduction for beginners). Tried Bikram and couldn't stand the heat? Try any of the other types of yoga that aren't heated. Didn't mind the yoga but the teacher really irked you? Check out one of the MILLIONS of teachers that will also be teaching in your hood and just dying to teach you.

I honestly believe that there are enough options out there for everyone to find their yoga nirvana. Not literally of course. Well - not unless you start taking your yoga REALLY seriously and maybe move to a cave in the Himalayas or India. But your yoga happy place is out there somewhere - you just need to give it a chance!

Good luck, yogi newbies!!!! And if you have any questions that I haven't addressed here - please leave me a comment and I will try and answer as best I can.

xx

The battles of others

November is here which means my October challenge is over. And I can not say that it was a total success.

I knew that it would be hard - not gossiping or saying negative things for a whole month. What I didn't appreciate was that it would be, in fact, impossible! I don't think I managed a day with out some kind of bitchy or judgemental comment slipping from my mouth. Also, after setting the challenge for myself, I became aware of just how often this caustic thoughts come up - basically all the time!

I could write these thoughts off as just harmless observations. Or that it is natural - something we are all prone to doing. But I don't honestly believe that. I do think that we all do it. But I don't agree it is harmless nor do I think it is natural. Because usually, when I have these thoughts, and especially when I feel the need to vocalise them, it is an indication of some kind of personal insecurity.

Just because this challenge was not a huge success does not mean that it was a waste of time. To begin with, when I would catch myself saying something bitchy or gossipy, I would chastise myself for failing at my challenge. But when I realised just how hard the challenge would be, I decided to change the way I looked at the challenge. So instead of making it all about avoiding these thoughts and comments, each time one came up I would check myself - question where the thought was coming from, what it perhaps said about me and how I was feeling about myself - be it my looks, intelligence, success, character etc.

Sometimes, the answer was obvious. I would comment on someone else acting in an aggressive way at work (i.e. "Wow - she is such a bitch! What is her problem? She obviously has issues.") because I was thinking that she disapproved of me personally or thought I wasn't worthy of her time, and I was trying to reassure myself that her attitude towards me wasn't about me and that it was all about her. Which might be true. But it is beside the point. I felt the need to say something about her because I was worried about my own personality or performance at work. When I realised it was all about me, I was less likely to continue engaging in gossip or complaining/

Other times, I wasn't sure what it was about particular behaviour that would inspire me to lash out. It seemed to not have any real impact on my life at all. But if this was the case, why was I letting it bring negative thoughts up and then to spill out of my mouth and into the world? Often, just questioning myself like this made me lose interest in engaging in the gossip any longer.

The other thing that has really helped me through this challenge has been this quote (who is often attributed to Plato but this seems to be questionable):

When you remember that other people - people you are whinging or bitching about - will have some bigger struggle going on in their life that will not doubt be so much greater than the superficial thing you are commenting on. And when you turn your mind to this fact, it it reminds you that the person you are gossiping about is a human being. And even if they are doing something that seems abhorrent to you, you really don't know what is going on in their life - what their struggle is. And, chances are, they are just trying to do the best they can in spite of this.

Of course, being aware of this won't help their struggle anyway, but it did tend to stop my negative bitching in its tracks. It was replaced with empathy instead. And kindness. And a much better mindset. So it might not help them, but it sure as hell helped me!

I haven't picked a November challenge. I have just finished my yoga teacher training (more on this later!!!) and am preoccupied with exciting thoughts for the future and where I will take these new skills. So maybe I will give myself a break this month. Other than to make the most of every single opportunity that comes my way. Actually - that is my challenge! To say "yes" more often! :)

Namaste. xox

Doing what you know you should

I am almost at the end of a 10 day detox. Day 9 in fact. No dairy, no alcohol (neither of which I have anyway), no sugar (eep!) and no caffeine (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!!). Plus yoga classes every day (not a big change, but it did mean that I had to go to 6.30am classes to make sure that I didn't miss a day - so, no more sleep-ins and more EEEEEEEEEP!!!!)

So why do this?

Well, at teacher training the other week we were asked to make a couple of lists: one of things that support our wellbeing (stuff like yoga, meditation, eating well, getting plenty of sleep, reading, laughing, practising gratitude, spending time with positive people) and the other of things that don't support our wellbeing (drinking coffee, sleeping in, eating junk, gossiping, procrastinating, negative self-talk, spending time with toxic people).

Seeing all these things written down really got me thinking - given that was so easy for me to come up with these lists, why don't I do more of the things on the first list, and waaaaay less of the things on the second list?

The answer is the same for me as it is for all of us - comfort. Even though I know that sticking with my current habits doesn't make me feel as great as I could feel, I get comfort from them. Like when I am feeling down on myself, so to make myself feel better I decide to treat myself - I skip yoga, eat pizza and chocolate and read trashy gossip magazines until late. Then I sleep in the next morning (again skipping yoga and meditation), drink coffee to stay awake all day and feel even worse about myself. Which is all my fault, because I am stupid and awful and deserve to feel this crappy. Sound familiar? Well it sounds really familiar to me because I do it way too much!

When my yoga studio (the totally wonderful House of Yoga in Redfern) announced that it was launching a 10 Day Push, I decided it would be the kick up the butt I needed to change things up a bit. And change them for the better!

And as I come to the end of the 10 days, I have to admit - I feel amazing! I have been getting up really early, feeling awake all day, eating well, sleeping well, my mood is more stable, I am more focussed, happier, grateful... I seem to be attracting more positive, supportive people into my life too.  All in just 9 days!?!?!

It's true - day one was tough. I had headaches and was in a major brain-fog all day. And yes, it sucks when I walk to work and the whole of the city seems to be enjoying delicious smelling coffee. Or when I walk past the cup cake stall on my way to buy lunch. But it has not been impossible. And every day that I stick to the plan, I am supporting my wellbeing and choosing to happiness. Even on rough days, I am in the best possible place to deal with the challenges I am thrown.

Ok - so maybe I am still in the euphoric, honeymoon stage. There is only one way to find out for sure - to keep it all up even after the 10 days are over!!

Wish me luck!
xoxo

Hear no evil, say no evil

My 30 day challenge for September went really well - I managed to fit my yoga and meditation in on 28 of the 30 days - and for many of the days I did it longer than I had committed to.

Even better - I have kept it up so far even though it is now October. 

But that doesn't mean that I haven't set a new challenge for the new month! While I admit that October did kind of creep up on me and I didn't have a challenge until the 2nd (which I figure is ok cos there are 31 days in October!), I have managed to come up with a doozy! 

Inspiration actually hit me at the hairdressers (it takes over two hours for me to keep my roots in check so I had a lot of time to think). One of my guilty pleasures at the hairdressers is to read those really trashy magazines. I used to buy them myself but found they were so full of negativity and hatefulness that I just didn't need in my life so I stopped. But at the hairdresser, I let myself flip through them and look at all the pretty people (and try to ignore all the stuff about who has put on too much weight, who has lost too much weight, who looks ugly without makeup, who is losing their boyfriend/ husband/ dignity). This week, pretty much every single magazine had Miley Cyrus on the front. 

There is a lot going on with the whole Miley thing, and I am not going to go into it here. I didn't read the articles but there were a bunch of photos of her (stills from her latest video and her VMA performance), her now ex-fiance Liam and his new girlfriend (I think) so I am guessing it was something to do with the breakdown of her relationship. I looked at the photos for a bit before flicking on to the next pages where all the red carpet fashion shots were (my favourite part of the trash mags). The woman next to me though, who was reading the same mags, clearly found the story about Miley far more upsetting (although I doubt she read the article either - I mean, does anyone?). 

"Oh gawd! Just *look* at her, would you!" she exclaimed, "No wonder Liam left her! Would you want your girlfriend dressing like that? She looks like a total skank!" 

This kind of a reaction is not unusual. I have probably thought - maybe even said - things like this about celebrities before myself. But hearing it like that, it just suddenly struck me how awful and useless this kind of gossip was. Seeing a photo or two, making a snap decision and assumptions about someone you don't really know and casting dispersions about who they are (and it is seldom something nice like, "Oh, I bet she is really nice to her granny!"  or "She has great teeth - she must floss a lot!") - all it serves is to put negativity out into the world. And to what end? To show your concern? Doubtful. To feel superior to the person you are gossiping about and make you feel better about yourself? Far more likely. 

Whether you are saying it about a celebrity or someone you know, when you engage in nasty gossip, not only are you being unnecessarily mean, it actually exposes parts of yourself that you are probably trying to hide. Why do you feel the need to point out how much weight someone has put on? Why do you like to tell people about someone's relationship failures? Why are you so interested in this piece of gossip that you feel the need to vocalise it and spread it to others? Maybe you don't want to think about those things. Because it is a LOT easier to just point and judge others than to look inside to see what might be really upsetting you.

Ok - that sounds really preachy, doesn't it? So let's get something straight. I gossip. I don't even know how much but probably a lot. I get caught up in it at work, with friends, with family, at yoga - everywhere that people meet up and chat, there is gossip and I am just as susceptible to it as anyone else. And, given I used to pride myself on being a totally caustic bitch, I can be pretty cutting if I really get caught up in it. It is not pretty at all. 

But, for the month of October, I am not going to gossip. 

Given that I am often not actually aware that I am gossiping until it is too late, this is going to be one tough-arse challenge! I am not even sure exactly where the line is just between observation or a meaningful discussion and actual, proper gossip. I just kind of feel like it is something I get involved in too often and it is something where, when I witness it or catch myself in the middle of it, I really don't like what I hear. 

Source: www.radicalimprov.net

I don't expect I will be able to meet this challenge 100 per cent. I think I will probably slip into the habit quite a bit in fact. But when I do, I am going to try to catch myself, stop, and then think about what it is that has made me say the things I am saying. What does this gossip say about me, my fears and my challenges? Does the person I am gossiping about represent something I dislike in myself? Someone I wish I could be more like but that I am too scared to be? 

I am hoping that, by being more aware of the things I say over the next month, this will lead to me gossiping less and generally being a nicer person. Which sounds good, right? And again, will let you know on FaceBook how I am progressing. 

Wish me luck!!! 

Losing my identity

So I am slowly starting to lose my identity. And honestly, this is a good thing.

Say whaaat? Let me explain.

For many years, I was "the angry girl". I am pretty sure it started off just as a defence mechanism, carefully constructed so I could survive high school. And it was successful in achieving this. Basically, I would respond to my detractors - some bullies (including some teachers) but also I am guessing a few kids who may have been genuinely nice but who I hastily assessed as being hostile - with bitchy, acerbic comebacks. And to avoid them bothering me at all, I took on a generally a moody/ angry disposition. I had some friends, but even they were kept at a bit of a distance and treated them with suspicion - because I never fully believed that they actually liked me. I figured I must have served some secondary purpose for their own high school survival. And that was fine by me.

High school can be a tough time. And just getting out the other end in one piece is a sign of success. But, unfortunately, I started to forget that I had created this identity (angry, sarcastic, depressed, dark etc etc) and it became a big part of who I thought I was.

Me as a teen - getting my angst on!

When bad things happened in my life, it reinforced my negative outlook and my general distrust of people. When good - even great! - things happened to me, whether in my relationships, study, work or whatever, I always assumed they were flukes and they were temporary.  I actually believed if too many good things were happening, then something really bad was coming just around the corner. So I could never enjoy the good. It just made me feel even more uneasy and anxious about my life.

As weird as it might seem, I wanted to stay feeling this way. I wanted to feel sad, depressed, angry or dissatisfied. This was what felt comfortable and familiar. Even though it wasn't serving me, I always found ways to bring me back to the same place.

While this might have been familiar and comfortable for me, as I am sure you can imagine, it was not a happy way to live a life! But I told myself, and everyone else that is just who I am. And so I continued.

Until I finally I had enough. I didn't want to be miserable anymore. Or anxious. Or bitchy. I wanted to be happy, damn it!!!

To begin with, I searched for happiness in the usual ways - looking for quick-fixes through self-help books, food, excessive exercising, buying shiny things, searching for "success" at work. But the problem with quick-fixes is that their effects are quick too - they never created a permanent state of happiness and always lead me to searching for something more. And always searching outside of myself.

I was lucky enough to find my way to yoga while sifting through all of these happiness solutions. I originally looked to it as a form of exercise that was kinder to my body than the abuse I had been putting it through at the gym. It also happened to make me feel better too. Pretty soon it was the only kind of exercising I was doing. Taking all these yoga classes, I saw all these beautiful, blissed-out yogis teaching all my classes and I wanted some of what they had. I wanted to be a blissful, glowy yogi too!  So I decided to go further with my yoga practice - to start understanding and applying the more spiritual aspects rather than just the physical.

Me on yoga - all the happy!

And this is when real change started to happen. When I started setting aside some of my attachments to who I thought I was -  the stories I told myself and the world to explain why my life was so hard - I was nervous that I would lose who I *really* was. Which I thought was the sad girl that I had become so comfortable being. But instead of losing an essential part of myself (which is what I had convinced myself all this misery and anger was), I started to look at where this identity had come from. And I began to realise that none of it was my true nature - these parts of my personality were all external to who I really am. Through yoga - especially meditation - I was able start seeing things as they actually are, not how I had just always assumed they are.

This is the real magic, and arguably the purpose, of yoga: self-realisation through looking inward - not to those things that are external to us - and, ultimately, attaining an infinite state of peace.

Obviously, I have a long way to go on this path. I am only just beginning to move away from identifying myself with my limitations and from trying to find happiness through external means. But I am already noticing positive shifts. I am calmer. I am able to deal with change without as much anxiety. I don't obsess over the negatives and dismiss the positives.

Things are looking up, and my journey has only just begun!!

Namaste xox

Up for the challenge?

Have you seen this great TED Talk by Matt Cuts where he asks us to try something new for 30 days?

The idea of committing to something for a month - whether it be growing a moustache or not drinking - is not exactly new. But watching this talk really inspired me.

I always have these grand - and some not so grand - plans in my head: things I have always wanted to do, habits I have wanted to break, routines that I have wanted to start. There are always so many of them, though, that I often feel too overwhelmed and end up doing none of them. Or if I do start them, I do it in a half-arsed way.

That is why this talk makes so much sense. You just pick one thing and then you commit yourself to it for the next 30 days. And then the next month, you can choose something different.

The great thing about 30 days is it is short enough not to intimidate, but it is long enough to start making a real change in your life. (Or, if it doesn't work out, you haven't really wasted that much time either.)

So how transformative can one month be?

Well, it was because of a 30 day challenge that I set myself 2 years ago that I was able to make the shift from vegetarian to vegan. I had made a couple of previous attempts at going vegan. Each time I started, I assumed it was the beginning of a life-long change. And I would go ok for a week or so, but then something would come up - I would be at an event where I had forgotten to tell people I my dietary requirements, or I was eating out with friends and there weren't any vegan options on the menu (I now know better than to just rely on menus and always ask restaurants what they can do for me or I ask them to change an existing vegetarian meal by ditching the cheese). Whatever it was, it suddenly all seemed to hard, I would start making exceptions (only when I eat out) or excuses (it is just too hard) and then I would be back to where I began.

But, when I decided in 2011 that I would eat only plant-based for the whole of July, there was no need for excuses or exceptions. Because giving up eggs and dairy for 30 days (or 31 in my case) didn't seem like that big of a deal. And because I wasn't stressed about it, I was able to enjoy the experience. I ordered my first ever vegan pizza, found vegan cupcakes and tried vegan chocolate and I also started asking cafes and restaurants to make things vegan for me. And by August, it was done. I was a vegan!

Once you realise that vegan chocolate exists - and is delicious, it isn't so hard.

With today being the first day of spring, I felt inspired to set myself a new challenge. I have decided to make September all about yoga (surprise!). Given that I will be a qualified yoga teacher by the end of October (fingers crossed), I want to put a nice, regular yoga practice into place so that I will have a strong platform to build on when I start teaching.

So, for each day in September I will be doing at least 45 minute asana practice and 10 minutes of meditation. My intention is to wake up earlier to get my practice done before the day even starts. But even if I don't manage that, I will be doing it before I go to bed. Every. Day. For 30 days.

Sadly, I won't be yoga-ing with these views every morning :(

Wish me luck! I will be giving updates on my Facebook page if you want to follow along. And feel free to join in - I would love to hear from others about their successes and experiences!

Namaste xox

Is all pleasure just relief?

I have recently come back from a holiday. Which means, right now, I am feeling pretty relaxed and rejuvenated.

And while I was unwinding next to the pool, I came across a quote in the book I was reading that got me thinking about the nature of relaxation, pleasure and our perpetual pursuit of happiness. Strangely enough, it was 'Junky' by William S Burroughs:

"Perhaps all pleasure is relief."

He was talking about the pleasure and relief that junkies experience when they give in to their addiction after attempting to quit. While that is not an experience I am familiar with, I can definitely relate to the idea of having the main source of my pleasure or happiness being the release from a stressful or strenuous experience.  

Hell - often my holidays have felt like that. I will have been working so hard, doing longing hours and feeling like I am being pulled in all directions right up until the moment my plane leaves. And then - nothing. Days and days with no deadlines, no stress, no routine. I normally spend the first few days just catching up on sleep. And, if things have been particularly bad, I find that sometimes I will get sick thanks to adrenal fatigue and a poor, worn out immune system. 

But there is that feeling you get when something that seems unbearable - something that you are just white-knuckling your way through - finally stops. It is quite amazing, isn't it. And it can be pretty addictive. 

Back when I was an exercise junky, it wasn't just being ultra-fit or looking good that kept me going to the gym - it was that pleasure from relief that really kept me motivated. I used to get through a tough class or a long run by thinking about how good it would feel when I stopped. How great that hot shower would feel on my aching and exhausted muscles. How deeply I would sleep that night. And I would use this to push myself harder, knowing that it would make the reward all that sweeter. 

The trouble is though, as sweet as the reward might be, when you are seeking pleasure through relief, it is only ever temporary. And, of course, it comes at a cost - the pain and discomfort that comes from pushing yourself to the extreme, be it mentally, physically or emotionally. Hardly a sustainable path to happiness, is it?

But what if feeling happy was your normal state? Something that you just experienced every day. Is that even possible? 

Well, I am starting to come around to the idea that not only is this possible - it is possible for me! 

It isn't a quick-fix though, like you might get from drugs, drinking, a holiday, exercising, shopping or anything else we might use for a immediate dose of happy. You actually have to commit to being a happy person. And that requires a commitment to changing the things in your life that aren't serving you. The things that take you further away from feeling happy every day. You need to let go of old habits and introduce good ones. Which will required you to be disciplined and, occasionally, uncomfortable. 

Because, even though we might know on an intellectual level that the things we are currently doing are not making us happy in the long-term and may even make us feel worse - like eating too much, not exercising enough or exercising too much, working too hard, drinking to excess, gossiping about people, spending too much time on the internet - we find comfort in these things. These are things that we are familiar with and it can be scary to let go of them. 

Which explains why people go for the quick-fixes. They are a LOT easier! But, ultimately, they don't really work. And they won't deliver what you are really after - to be happy! 

So what could you be doing differently to start being happier? 

To make it less scary, try making a commitment to making just one change for the next 30 days, just to see what it feels like. If you want to, you can go back to your old ways afterwards.

But chances are, you won't want to. Instead, you might find that you have have replaced an old habit with a new one - one that serves you and brings you closer to the life that you want. And sure enough, you will be ready to make even more changes! 

Here's to a happy life - not just relief!

Life beyond the asana

When most people think of yoga, they are thinking of the physical practice - the asana. While some may question how strenuous it is, it is generally considered to be a type of exercise. And, beyond a few breathing exercises and maybe even a couple of minutes of meditation at the end, this is how mainstream yoga is most often taught.

This has certainly been my experience in yoga classes. Up until recently, I would say that 90% of my yoga practice was dedicated to the physical practice.

Which was cool. I knew that the physical aspect was just one part of yoga - and that there was a lot that I didn't regularly practice or even really know about - but I got so much out of the physical side, that it didn't really bother me.

And no - I am not just talking about being more flexible or slimming down. I found that through my practice, I was calmer, more in control of my emotions, more focused, more energised, more positive, more in tune with what I needed (be it physically or emotionally). All good things that you didn't necessarily get from any other form of exercise.

So I must admit to be somewhat shocked and a little confused when, on the first day of my yoga teacher training, our teacher told us that he didn't really practice asana anymore.

Don't get me wrong - my teacher knows his asana. He has spent decades perfecting poses (I mean, he even used to practice and teach Ashtanga-style yoga, which is a very strong, physical practice). But, as he constantly reminds us in class, doing asana is not yoga - it is just one component of a greater system that is yoga. And it is only a small component at that. And, he has explained, he has reached a point in his yoga practice where generally speaking he doesn't need to practice asana.

But, if it isn't about handstands and backbends like we have all been lead to believe, what is yoga?

Well, at its core it is a system or method through which, if followed and worked at consistently and with dedication, we can reconnect with our true self. Which I know sounds a bit hippy. But basically it is a way of stripping back all of things that we identify with as being part of our "self" - the external possessions and our ideas and thoughts that make up who we "think" we are (i.e. the identity that we have created for ourselves - or let others create for us) so that we just be ourselves. And when we are ourselves, we can be the happy, loving and calm beings that we are all meant to be. Kind of nice, right?

To get to this point though, we need a strong, healthy and balanced body. Which is where doing a regular asana practice comes into it - stretching and strengthening our bodies to bring it into balance and remove any pain or tightness that keep us from feeling physically at ease. But that isn't the end of it. We also need to calm and bring ease to our nervous system, which we can do through regular breathing exercises (pranayama). And we need to bring stillness to our minds, which is achieved through meditation to bring our mind to a single point of focus. And we also need to act in a way that is kind, truthful and compassionate - both in our relationships with others and with ourselves.

When the bigger picture was explained to us in class, what struck me was that the yogic path was kind of where I was heading anyway - I just wasn't aware of it. This is not to say that I have been living this perfect, balanced yogi life up until now. But it is what I strive for - what I thought life should be all about. So all this time I had been thinking that I wasn't being a a proper yogi because I didn't really know what the 8 limbs were about, it turns out that I had been heading in the right direction all along!

But in spite of this revelation, I still can't picture me ever getting to a point where I no longer want or need to do my asana practice. It just brings me so much joy! I love how I feel after I have taken my body through a long and thorough practice. And I feel that it plays an important part in my larger yoga practice - it teaches me discipline and patience, it challenges my ego (especially when I face-plant in the middle of a full class), it makes my body feel strong, my breathing even and my mind alert and calm. And it can be fun! And I am pretty sure there is nothing in the Yoga Sutras that say yoga can't be fun (although, admittedly, I have not read - definitely do not understand - all of the Sutras yet).

So while I am enjoying learning and embracing all the other aspects of yoga, I am not going to be giving up my mat anytime soon.

Namaste!

Small changes, big difference!

Over a week has now passed since I started my yoga teacher training course. As I mentioned in my last post, the training goes far beyond the physical aspect of yoga (the asanas) and looks at the whole system of yoga (which includes pranayama and meditation).

That said, the training has still made some pretty significant changes to my asana practice. The changes haven't really been big ones - they have just been small refinements - but the impact they have had is quite remarkable. So here are the three things that I have learnt so far that have made the biggest difference.

1. Make friends with your bandhas 

I had heard yoga teachers use the term "bandhas" berfore, but to be honest I have never fully understood what they were talking about. From what I could gather, engaging my bandhas somehow involved keeping firm through my belly. Which, it turns out, is kind of right. But it is not the whole story.

There are actually three bandhas - one at the perineum (mula bandha), one just below the belly button (uddiyana bandha) and the third one at the throat (jalandhara bandha). The idea is that, by engaging or contracting these three bandhas (which is sanskrit for "lock") while you perform your asana, you are able to control the flow of energy ("prana") throughout your body. This helps you achieve balance and also supports and provides stability during your practice. (This is a very basic description - this website provides a pretty neat overview of the whole bandha situation if you want to know more.)

Learning how to properly engage your bandhas is complex and takes a lot of practice (and I am definitely still at the early stages of this process) but there are a couple of simple adjustments that you can do in pretty much any pose that will start you on your bandha journey and improve your overall asana practice.

First, start by drawing your belly button towards your spine. You have probably heard your teacher saying this to you in class during certain poses, but it is good to get into the habit of doing this throughout your whole practice. As an extra benefit, holding in through your lower belly like this will support your lower back and prevent you from overextending your lower spine when you are doing backbends. (Particularly important if you are hyper mobile through your joints - this will save you from very painful lower back SI joint issues in the long run. And trust me, prevention is WAY better than a cure when it comes to your lower back!!)

Second, focus on drawing up through the crown of your head. Together with holding in your lower belly, this encourages you to lengthen out your spine and create space in your body. When you are doing this, your chest tends to lift up and your shoulders drop down, helping you to achieve better alignment. Obviously, extending through the spine won't always be appropriate - for example, it isn't much use when you are in bridge pose or shoulder stand - but it is really useful to keep your torso extended and open in a lot of poses, for example most standing poses, forward bends and even in downward dog.

The final adjustment to make is to lower your chin towards your chest and to gently draw the front of your throat to the back of your throat. This again helps with aligning your spine by bringing your head an neck into line, and also assists if you are doing ujjayi breathing (that raspy sound that your teacher will sometimes ask you to make with your throat while you breathe during your class).

I have found that just by focussing on these three small adjustments during my poses I am able to achieve better alignment - but with less thinking! For example, in downward dog my mind used to go through pretty much every muscle in my body as I tried to get them exactly into the right position. Now, I just focus on getting these three things right, and everything else just seems to happen!

2. Slow down

There is a tendency amongst a lot of modern yogis to move from one pose to another with great speed - particularly in vinyasa and other "power" yoga styles. Maybe we feel like we get more of a work out when we quickly flip from one pose to the next, or maybe it is just a reflection of our busy, overworked lifestyles. But the truth is we are doing ourselves an injustice by whizzing through our yoga sessions. If you have taken the time out of your busy schedule to do a yoga session, why do you want to rush it?

You still get the same benefits if you take the full breath (that is, for a full count of four or so) to gently flow from one pose to the next. In fact, it often takes more strength and control to do your asana at a slower pace because you can't rely on momentum to swing your body into a pose. It also gives you more of an opportunity to get your alignment right.

The other benefit of slowing down is that it helps prepare yourself for meditation by really connecting your movement with your breath and allowing you to more deeply engage with the flow of energy throughout your body. Add this to the techniques set out in 1 above, and you are really getting somewhere!

3. Be still

When I hold a particular pose, I tend to spend the whole time constantly adjusting myself to move more deeply into the pose. I scan my body from bottom to top to bottom again, seeing if there is any area of my body that I can shift to improve the pose.

What this means though is that I never really get to just sit with a pose and enjoy it. I am always pushing, trying to get more out of it.

Now though, when I am holding a pose, I set my alignment up and then - I let myself just be still.

This is easier than it sounds - as an A-type, I naturally tend to want to push myself beyond my limits and to go further. But when I stop trying to force or further refine a pose, I find that I can actually enjoy my practice a lot more. I still work on my edge (that place in a pose where you feel challenged but not so challenged that you feel pain, you start shaking and/or your breathing gets shallow) but once I get there, I just surrender into it. And it feels goooooood.

I am really finding that just by introducing these three, relatively minor changes to my practice, my teacher training is already having a big impact. And these are definitely making me look at my asana practice in a different, more healthy way. I also find I am finishing my classes feeling more refreshed and balanced than I used to. And definitely feeling happier.

Which is kind of the point, right?

What's your dream?

My yoga teacher training has finally started - yay!

Today was day two. I was incredibly anxious before starting - but that is nothing unusual for me. Anything that is unfamiliar and involves lots of other people makes me nervous. My belly was all full of butterflies and it felt like the first day of school. Which I guess it kind of was.

I had the usual first day worries: Like what if no one likes me? What if I'm not good enough? What if I fail? What if I don't enjoy it and it is all a waste of money and time? Blah, blah, blah.

But so far, so good! Everyone is lovely, I don't feel like I am in over my head and I am really loving it.

One thing that has become clear though is that the course involves more than just learning the skills to become a teacher. It is going to be quite a personal journey too with a lot of digging deep. And it is definitely looking beyond just the physical side of yoga - the asanas. We are gaining an understanding of all of the elements and how they can be integrated so that we can achieve increased flow throughout the body and a quietened mind. It is heavy but amazing stuff.

Today, a relatively simple exercise left me feeling a bit lost and, as a result, quite introspective. We were asked to discuss in small groups what our dream life would look like if there were no obstacles. Basically, let our minds go wild and put out to the world our greatest fantasies for an ideal life. What could be easier?

Some people seemed to have no trouble at all. They could articulate beautifully what their perfect life would be like down to the finest detail. And it was out-there stuff too. Global empires and what not.

Me? Well, I came up with some cool stuff, I guess. A house in the rainforest but also near the sea - perhaps in Bangalow. But I wouldn't live there all the time. Nooo. Because I would still have to keep my job, wouldn't I? I would work in the city and then, when I needed to escape, I could go to the house in Bangalow. Oh and I would have a dog in addition to my two cats.

Seriously. I let my mind run wild and that is the best I could do!?! A holiday home and a dog? Thing is, every time I thought of something cool - like living on a tropical island, teaching yoga and looking after stray kittens and puppies - this voice would come into my head saying "But you have to be realistic! Otherwise, you are being silly!"

It didn't seem to matter to me that the aim exercise wasn't to think about what I could realistically achieve. I was meant to be thinking big, thinking outside what might seem possible. I was allowed to be silly!

I found this to be really confronting. Like if I said something crazy, I would be ridiculed if I then failed to achieve it. Which is daft, really. Because when others shared their awesome hopes and dreams, my instinct was not to ridicule them. It was to encourage them. Their dreams sounded great. And I wanted to think of ways that they could actually achieve maybe even just one small part of their dream to help them on their way.

But I was still unable to think of anything for myself. I am just not sure what my real dream is. There is definitely a lot of work for me to do around this.

Hmmm...

So day two and I am already feeling challenged. Imagine where I will be by the end of the year!!

Take it outside

While doing yoga in a hot and sweaty room is lovely, doing it outside is something else altogether.

Instead of going to my usual lunch time class at the gym, yesterday my friend and I decided to head along to one of the free yoga classes that are run in Hyde Park in the Sydney CBD by Lululemon Mid City. They get different teachers from local yoga studios to take the classes in the park each Monday throughout the Summer. We were lucky enough to have the lovely Vicki from Preshana Yoga taking the class yesterday. 

Given my recent experiences with Bikram, doing a flowing vinyasa class with our mats laid out on the grass under a giant tree and the sun shining through the leaves felt incredibly freeing. There were quite a few people who had turned up for the class, all of them buzzing with the thrill of being out of the office, even if for just one hour.

While Vicki took us through a pretty strong practice, the class felt really easy. I think it was the distraction of the new - the sounds and smells of the outdoors, having a strong breeze wash over us every couple of minutes so you never really felt too hot or sweaty, in spite of all your efforts. And then, following a short but amazing shavasana, I got to open my eyes to this. 

And it was the perfect break in the middle of the working day. While we may have raced to park to get to the class on time, hoping that it was going to be worth all of the effort, we were in no real hurry to leave our mats after the class. We literally floated back to the office with our lungs full of fresh air.

Obviously doing yoga in the park isn't something you can do all the time - and I'm certainly not planning doing yoga outdoors during the nasty winter months - but it did remind me of how good it is to mix up the routine every now and then. Even if it is just changing your surroundings. 

Next - I want to head down to the beach and do a few asanas by the sea before the end of the summer. Anyone want to join me?